is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
