1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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