i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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