I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
