The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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