I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
