so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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