So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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