so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
