I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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