I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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