just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
