your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
