After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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