Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have demons in me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
