everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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