Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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