things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
