my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
