i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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