Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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