Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
