I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize