That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize