I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
