I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
