Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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