Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
handjob tips. give me some.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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