i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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