so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
