there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize