dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
