you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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