Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
