I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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