I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
