Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
