nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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