I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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