I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
