Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
