The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
