I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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