I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
