Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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