and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
