Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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