i jhust puked up my retainher.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize