May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
