hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
