I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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