you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
