Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
