I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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