I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
