Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
