you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
