They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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