everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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