Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
