I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
