I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
