you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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