So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
