I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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