Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize