Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
