U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
