marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
